B C

I drool. I can see it this close to me.
I see your hand branch out and then become one,juicy whole. Silently,you pick your victim.This girl who is swaying with every movement of the bus,is actually a no-looker.But oooh! Do you care? You look at the opportunity.

So do I.

You move furtively closer. The girl unconcernededly stands looking out,at passing buses and rushing scenes.She is almost within touching distance.The bus gives a lurch and you “accidently” let go of the rod above and slide your weight onto the girl.

There is utter bliss on your face. The girl beneath you is struggling, furious and red in the face. You’re making strangled noises and no move to do anything.I silently move into the space behind you and pull out an inch long round object. A flick of a practiced finger and the inch long round object puffs up and becomes golf-sized ball.

It has feet. And teeth.

I bend down under the pretext of helping the girl.And fix the round ball to the seat of your pants. Its clever.It uses its feet to move to the softest part of your butt. It opens its mouth. It bites.

Its 320 minute teeth fitted with sharp needle like pins with twist-shut circular mechanism have zeroed in and locked itself onto two inch radius of butt-meat. You experience excruciating pain and then faint. No one around you cares as the girl has pushed you aside and is rearranging her tee. The pincers move anti-clockwise. The chunk of butt-meat and covering trouser-bit disappear into a special spill-proof sac inside the “buttcutter”. It dislodges itself and falls off the “bad-man’s” butt.
Its inbuilt sensor and compass tells it-“North East”.It quietly rolls thataway and stops. Which is where I’m standing.I casually bend down,pick it up and shove it into my pocket.
And get off the bus.
As I walk home,a stray,which has watched me alight,follows me.I take a turn,unscrew the Buttcutter and let the round pieceomeat fall down.The stray jumps and out of habit,gulps it in one shot.

No chew.No Sweat. No evidence.

Only another story in the evening news about how this is the 4th incident of a dazed man being brought to hospital with no clue about why his bum has a 2 inch wide hole.

Reaching home,I wash my face. And the BC…as I fondly call it.

You see, I do NOT like being pawed.